alright guys - i need to tell you about a radio program.

i'm listening to it right now, online, but it appears on NPR, 90.7 here, at 1-2pm on Saturdays - and it's called This American Life.

it's basically storytelling, it's very old-fashioned. a theme is brought up every week and explored in between 2 and 5 acts - 2-5 stories about that theme. the theme can be literally anything, and has been. there's been: babysitting, notes on camp, time to save the world, say anything (about the importance of talk), monogamy, pet stories, guns, superpowers, canadians, cruelty of children, sinatra, simulated worlds (about all the artificial life created - fake oval offices/medieval times/colonial towns), poultry, father's day, an FBI sting, accidental documentaries.. it goes on and on. and it's very simple - some things are narrated and some just guided every now and then. there are no commercials, but musical interludes. the pauses and the background music are very important and shape the way a story is told and heard. and so this is a form of news.. these are often news stories.. but not news like what we'd think of news, but stories that have been passed down, or have happened recently, just people's stories. it is not sensationalized by any means, and yet there are still sensational stories - two men in a fight in the middle of the highway during traffic after one insults the other's mother from another car, a girl hiding in a dumpster from girls with guns, kids who make up a family to babysit for so they can get out of an oppressive mother's home, a staged show of Peter Pan that goes horribly awry.. these are things that could wind up on your evening news as "strange stories of the day" or on dateline or one of those shows as something similar.. they're not all strange stories.. sometimes they're just personal stories that touch something not many personal stories do - because there's a sentimentality but there's nothing cheesy in these "touching stories", they just hit a nerve in a different way.

some of my favorite stories so far have been from "superpowers" and "time to save the world". in the first, they had a story where this guy went around conducting an unofficial study asking people, what would you choose: flight or invisibility, you will be the only person on earth to have this power, and you can't have both. and the answers are so interesting and it's explored further in how these two, apart from so many other superpowers, touch a particular part of our psyche - flight for those who are not ashamed, and invisibility, for most of us who are. the final question then was: who do you want to be? the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you truly are?

"time to save the world" first had a story about a man who worked at a dating ad service, and a guy would come in and place a "missed you" ad - the ones where you say "you were that girl on the train, our eyes locked, call me.." - and he would place these ads constantly, 10, 15, it got ridiculous, and over time this guy who worked there got to know this man taking out the ads, realized he was a great guy, just incredibly shy, and decided to do him this favor of writing a letter for him to make 20 copies of and hand to the women he wanted to talk to - and what it said was priceless. another story from that bunch was about a man who answered the phone when you called H-E-A-T-H-E-R, answered only to that name, and talked to anyone about anything. teenagers would prank call him usually but he wouldn't hang up on them, eventually some people called to get things off their chest, to talk to this anonymous person because they couldn't talk to anyone else, and he would always listen, and be sympathetic, and not really give advice but just be this ear for people, and that was an incredible story. they got a hold of him for the program so we all get to meet him. he had been doing that for 50 years.

so this is what i'm talking about. they're just stories, but they're so intriguing, and they're presented in such a simple yet interesting way, it's so easy to get absorbed in this stuff. and, to my joy, so much of the episodes are available online! thisamericanlife.com features almost every show they've had in realaudio format - downloading the new realplayer was a pain in the ass because they keep trying to get you to pay for things or put credit card info in, but you manage to get around it, and now i get all of these episodes of the past 8 years that i've missed, in perfect quality, right here in this handy dandy computer. i sat around last night with my dad and we listened to the stories i talked about above - and it felt so neat, like it was 1920 and there weren't any televisions yet, just sitting and listening to the radio and smiling and laughing and talking about it afterwards. that's good times right there. so people, i urge you to go to their website and read about the stories, find some you like, listen to superpowers and time to save the world at the very least, and go to "our favorites" because i'm just beginning to explore that stuff and it's great so far - and you can read what each act is about and how long it is usually, so if you want to skip certain stories and get to the good stuff. well it's all good stuff. it's great stuff. go and explore and tell me what you think. it's like nothing you've ever heard.

jenn told me a while back to make a list of all the things i want to do before i die.. as a sort of mapping-out-your-goals assignment.. not exactly meant to set you on the track to achieving them, but to take the first step and acknowledge them.. there's supposed to be 100, but that seems like an awful lot.. i can only think of about 20 off the top of my head. but i want to start putting them here because this is the easiest place to record them when they first pop into my head.

so there's the obvious:
be "in love" with someone who is "in love" with me
go to italy
find a career that makes me happy
find a way to help the world in some way
skydive
own a great dane
lose weight.. maybe
get over body image issues - definitely
get over sex issues
HAVE SEX
have great sex with several partners so i can get the feel of being a "sexually active individual in the world"
hang-glide
figure out some better hair removal system
get over my fear of public speaking - jesus
start saying and doing the things i want to be saying and doing
stop biting my cuticles
stop biting my nails to the point where it's unhealthy
get fingers out of mouth altogether
tie in to body image issue, but start carrying myself with more confidence
floss
exercise in some way
go outside more, somehow
start going to movies with other human beings
maybe go to less movies..er..rent less.. cut a little into movie watching to go out and find new enjoyment
always be the same person to every person, as much as possible anyway
stop procrastinating, so much
resolve mother issues, somehow
stop feeling guilty
either find a femininity or masculinity and stick with it, or accept myself the way i am
discover what needs to change and change it and discover what shouldn't be changed and accept it
somehow
do not succumb to peer pressure, assert myself and my own beliefs in all situations
don't become an alcoholic or a drug addict or some kind of pervert or any such thing that takes hold of you and is bad for you
go to alaska
live in boston
meet Uncle Bob
make my peace with my grandmother
stop getting so upset about religious and political differences
make a political difference - "be the change you want to see in the world"
finish my gandhi biography
go to india
have a wild affair with some celebrity that i've been obsessed with
do not have children, under any circumstances, but do not abort any, do not become pregnant in the first place, and be a wise and influential aunt to jordan's children and other people's children
own lots of animals, but particularly a horse
see New York City at least several more times and maybe run into kurt vonnegut or woody allen on the street.. in the fall
go to paris
don't become too cynical

well i've lost my train of thought.. and this has become not so obvious and a little long, not as hard as i thought, which i should've guessed... ok off then.

So i've revisited S.C.I.E.N.C.E., even wrote a review of it on amazon.com, just cuz i was inspired because it's such a good memory of mine and i needed to speak out against this "incubus" that's going on today.. i've got a new theory: they got crappy because brandon cut his hair. it's a Samson thing. seriously, look at the evidence. dreads = great music. and then came short hair.. and that was the beginning of the end. i think there may be a correlation here between crappy music and sex appeal, as well.. brandon essentially got sexier and all this new sexual attention may have helped to severely disable his music-writing abilities.. i'm serious about this.

oh my god radiohead is coming to west palm on october 4th and i'm murdering people to get there.. me and axel, baby. right there. it's going to be fucking crazy. a life's dream is finally coming true. look for me on october 5th and you'll find me a changed girl. i didn't think i'd react so dramatically to the news, but i did, i slapped the table and said "oh my god" several times without trying to act surprised and overwhelmed... i actually was surprised and overwhelmed.. i am incredibly excited about this. the number of people that are going to be there will be absurd, you just wait.

music is big in my life right now.. because money is incredibly low so i haven't been able to see many movies lately (though i saw Finding Nemo on father's day and it was great) - so i've been obsessed with the rolling stones for a couple of weeks now, particularly lately this wonderful song "let's spend the night together" and the fantastic "she's a rainbow". lovin every minute of it. but now i'm drifting from them just a little.. into... bush. haha. razorblade suitcase got a little spin yesterday - that stuff is very good, that's a good album, and i'm thinking the first half is just "fun" and "good memories" but the last half are actually "good songs" - it's interesting stuff. this all came about because i'm on a "downloading music videos" rampage and i had to brainstorm what the greatest music videos i've ever seen were, and i remembered "greedy fly", so i downloaded that and that's great - and then gavin was on craig kilbourn! yes, and he sang with the blue man group and did five questions and boy is he the most awkward guy ever - he talks fine, he sits fine, but when he's standing or moving around he is the most awkward looking fella, it's embarrassing. like the way dawson walks. ; ) a bunch of weirdos. so yes, he's sexy until he has to carry himself in some way.

so i've downloaded enumerable videos, and they're still coming, but here's what i've got so far, let me know if there's more i should add:
beastie boys - sabotage
bjork - all is full of love (GREAT video), cocoon, hunter
bush - greedy fly
busta rhymes - dangerous
coldplay - the scientist, live trouble
daft punk - around the world
david bowie/queen - under pressure
foo fighters - everlong, my hero
janet jackson - anytime anyplace
madonna - human nature, express yourself
michael jackson/janet - scream
NIN - perfect drug
R.E.M. - everybody hurts
sigur ros - track 7 off first album, which is best song, and one of greatest vids of all time
U2 - where the streets have no name

i know, it's a lot. and there's more coming - more madonna/U2/foo/janet/bjork (all of bjork's videos are, in one way or another, the greatest of all time, it's uncanny), plus some portishead (i've downloaded two of their albums, very nice trip hop stuff), aphex twin, the cars (you might think), and then maybe my favorite video that needs redownloading, U.N.K.L.E.'s Rabbit in your Headlights. yessir. video crazy.

jesus christ i could see radiohead this year...

and then i took a trip down memory lane again with the dave matthews band earlier today - that cd with "don't drink the water" on it, the only one i have. "crush" isn't quite so sexy today. and i'm eyeing the cure, because i realized how much i love "just like heaven". so there you have it.

lots of crazy things are happening in melody's life right now, but it'll just bring you down. i'm really looking forward to the italians' coming home party, i need to see all of those people again. also: i kind of like my weener dog now.

happy birthday to my dear friend, alan.

he knows how much he means to me, and in case he's forgotten there's reminders on this very page.

congradulations on turning 20 before me, alan. i'll catch up to you one of these days.

oooohooohooo.. fancy shmancy new blogger posting screen.. woowee. look who's got some money. and alan started it all - they should pay him a little something. where did alan discover blogger, i wonder?

i check all the close friends' blogs and see lack of update after lack of update and i roll my eyes and go tsk tsk and "well you guys don't know how to keep a blog, do you?" and i realize that i haven't posted since may 25th! i don't want someone thinking such things about me. gandhi says "be the change you want to see in the world." and hilariously, that applies here.

why does the below portion of this edit page keep refreshing? it looks like something is affecting it... a guy is selling a ghost in a jar on ebay for $14,000. seriously.

oh, lol, it refreshes every time i hit "enter". well i'm an "enter" girl, how am i supposed to avoid this?

nevermind. i have no idea what's causing it. how bizarre. someone explain this to me - new design kink? somewhere are there small white men with glasses scratching their heads and yelling at one another?

i tried looking up noel coward but couldn't find enough on him online and then quickly stopped caring, i'm sorry. he wrote a bunch of plays that i haven't the time to read right now. i went all hasty with robert benchley and checked out ucf library's entire r.b. collection and so here i am with 12 books of short essays, essentially, and i've had time to read about 5 essays.. and they're due back tuesday. this is what i do. instant gratification is the name of my game.

i'm going, jenn's health and weather and car conditions permitting, to a "doggie park" tomorrow - this is their scientific name - a big fenced-in area in sanford where dogs can run and play together, which sounds like a hootin-and-hollerin good time to me, and, as luck would have it, to jenn. i like jenn a lot these days. we're having good times together, going on fun adventures. i enjoy my one good girl friend.

i thought a little about alan today in a bittersweet is-he-still-this-most-important-person kind of way - a feeling which hasn't come over me in a very long while. but of course, any kind of attentions from his side to my side whatsoever, a mere mentioning of my name, and i flutter back to that place in my brain, that place you sometimes want to take a power drill to like in Pi - but it's all much more carefree now. my thought was, about years ago when he got back from boston and essentially proposed to me, not really, but essentially, and i wondered, what if he does that again? he has seemed to have forgotten about me in recent months, for a year or so really, and the same can be said for me really, but then i began to feel like i was out of the group. once i was a part of the group and now it's exclusively boys and i don't think i can get back in the way i once was, maybe. i don't know. so what if he has a tendency to go off to foreign places and remember me? like at home he is immersed in others and we mean so little to each other and when we leave or almost die all we can think of is the other? not all, but you know, suddenly there's this mindfuck from the other - what then? and then i thought, well i'd just go ahead and say "sure", why not? sure, five minutes ago it would've seemed absurd, but it's all pretty absurd if this situation is happening at all so why not just go there? and i'd be completely different from before, aggressive, the initiator, and he probably wouldn't be able to handle that and it would end in about a week and we'd go "whew, well i'm glad we got that over and done with!" lol

no, that probably would never happen. we're probably smarter than all that now, we wouldn't even bother. he's probably not going to come back and say those things, and that's probably better. but still, i miss him a little now.