oooohooohooo.. fancy shmancy new blogger posting screen.. woowee. look who's got some money. and alan started it all - they should pay him a little something. where did alan discover blogger, i wonder?

i check all the close friends' blogs and see lack of update after lack of update and i roll my eyes and go tsk tsk and "well you guys don't know how to keep a blog, do you?" and i realize that i haven't posted since may 25th! i don't want someone thinking such things about me. gandhi says "be the change you want to see in the world." and hilariously, that applies here.

why does the below portion of this edit page keep refreshing? it looks like something is affecting it... a guy is selling a ghost in a jar on ebay for $14,000. seriously.

oh, lol, it refreshes every time i hit "enter". well i'm an "enter" girl, how am i supposed to avoid this?

nevermind. i have no idea what's causing it. how bizarre. someone explain this to me - new design kink? somewhere are there small white men with glasses scratching their heads and yelling at one another?

i tried looking up noel coward but couldn't find enough on him online and then quickly stopped caring, i'm sorry. he wrote a bunch of plays that i haven't the time to read right now. i went all hasty with robert benchley and checked out ucf library's entire r.b. collection and so here i am with 12 books of short essays, essentially, and i've had time to read about 5 essays.. and they're due back tuesday. this is what i do. instant gratification is the name of my game.

i'm going, jenn's health and weather and car conditions permitting, to a "doggie park" tomorrow - this is their scientific name - a big fenced-in area in sanford where dogs can run and play together, which sounds like a hootin-and-hollerin good time to me, and, as luck would have it, to jenn. i like jenn a lot these days. we're having good times together, going on fun adventures. i enjoy my one good girl friend.

i thought a little about alan today in a bittersweet is-he-still-this-most-important-person kind of way - a feeling which hasn't come over me in a very long while. but of course, any kind of attentions from his side to my side whatsoever, a mere mentioning of my name, and i flutter back to that place in my brain, that place you sometimes want to take a power drill to like in Pi - but it's all much more carefree now. my thought was, about years ago when he got back from boston and essentially proposed to me, not really, but essentially, and i wondered, what if he does that again? he has seemed to have forgotten about me in recent months, for a year or so really, and the same can be said for me really, but then i began to feel like i was out of the group. once i was a part of the group and now it's exclusively boys and i don't think i can get back in the way i once was, maybe. i don't know. so what if he has a tendency to go off to foreign places and remember me? like at home he is immersed in others and we mean so little to each other and when we leave or almost die all we can think of is the other? not all, but you know, suddenly there's this mindfuck from the other - what then? and then i thought, well i'd just go ahead and say "sure", why not? sure, five minutes ago it would've seemed absurd, but it's all pretty absurd if this situation is happening at all so why not just go there? and i'd be completely different from before, aggressive, the initiator, and he probably wouldn't be able to handle that and it would end in about a week and we'd go "whew, well i'm glad we got that over and done with!" lol

no, that probably would never happen. we're probably smarter than all that now, we wouldn't even bother. he's probably not going to come back and say those things, and that's probably better. but still, i miss him a little now.