what's more important?

-feeling smart
-hanging out with people who are smarter than you

because you can't have both, you know? i can either feel smart and hang around people who i think aren't as smart as i am, which in itself is a sort of tragedy, or i can have my ego crushed and constantly doubt my intelligence by hanging around people who feel smarter than me who i can probably learn a thing or two from.. this is why people go searching for people who are just as smart as they are, yeah? it's complicated. i guess more complicated for people like me who place such a high value on intelligence in people...

and, as it turns out, dogs. the thing with me and my dog..Ed.. see, my father says to me, "do you dislike him just because he's your dog?" (here's a tie with why, again and again, i should not be a mother) but that's not why i dislike him. i'm convinced that if we'd gotten most any other dog, i'd be very happy and love that dog to death. see, my dog is very stupid. Ed is very stupid. and he's incredibly needy. and he smells really bad. but here's what he is: he's a simple-minded creature. if he were a person he'd like dubya, you know? and my dad responds well to simple-minded creatures. he doesn't want things complicated or in contrast to himself if he can help it. my dad feels comforted by guys like dubya because they're good 'ole boys, from the south, white, christian (but not catholic!), they may don a cowboy hat, they believe in wholesome family values and they've raised a beautiful little white family.. right, these are norms to my dad and he likes them and this probably won't change. so Ed is very much like that, only a dog. now i'm not saying these other dogs i hang around with are these complex minds, these secret geniuses.. but they are significantly smarter. they do what i tell them to do. they sense what i want from them and do it in advance. they respond well. they just act smarter. and if they're not so smart, they at least seem to respect and obey me. Ed wants every drop of love and affection i can give him - every time i sit down he immediately wants to get on my lap - but it feels like he's using me.. because he doesn't cooperate other times and he does little things just to spite me. i just took these dogs at barbara's out tonight and they were phenomenal.. they walked out only when i walked out (let me be clear, these are not trained dogs at all, they've just gotten to know me over the past year and we get each other), they did their business and came right back and sat next to me and waited for the other.. and so on. i take Ed out and he does his thing and when i want to go back in, sometimes i'll be kind enough not to just forcibly pull him through the field, and i'll try to call him back and get him behind the idea and he'll just stand there, i'll tug, and he'll stand firmer. "no." he seems to say. i do not appreciate this. i know i haven't taken any measures to train him, but these other dogs, as i've said, haven't been trained either and well, you get the drift.. i'll tell you what it is: it's that Ed is a purepred, i'm not sure if he has papers, but he is a one-breed dog. these other guys are mutts. you've heard the thing about mutts being smarter because they're not the product of cousins or something.."spread the genes apart.."..well let me tell you, it's true. you want a dog? go get a weird half-breed. you know how not so pretty people have had to develop personalities so they're generally more interesting than pretty people and they can better balance natural selection and all that? well it's the same kind of thing. it'll come back and bite you if you go for the pretty people.. i mean dogs. alright so you could construe that this whole thing is just about my resentment of pretty people.. well anyway, i'm sick of my dog.