i'm getting depressed. you get selfish for a minute and get wrapped up in being a part of history and suddenly you realize what kind of history is happening and it weighs on you, on your shoulders, and you don't really smile all day. god. this could go on for a while. i went to borders this afternoon to just forget about this and sit for hours and read silly entertainment magazines. there wasn't even a strange air, it was as if everyone was practicing being oblivious, and some of them are: i've been watching mtv a lot today, for some reason it's comforting to me, like, people my own age voicing their own opinions about this, and mtv seems to be taking a smart angle here, and gideon yago seems to be very upset under his emo glasses, he was squirming after they showed a video of kids completely apathetic to all of this, one of whom didn't even know we were at war. so yeah, some people are oblivious. i'm now strangely attracted to gideon. i want to rant with him. i know he wants to.
throughout bush's speech the other night, i think the monday night one where he gave the ultimatum, he kept using language like "we have the right to protect ourselves from terrorist threats.." "we must not let this evil dictator carry on his regime of terror.." and i just kept thinking, saddam could be giving this same damn speech to his people, only replace "saddam" with "bush" - we've gone crazy under the guise of helping these people and without any control over what bush does, we are sending our people to kill their people. and they call this "shock and awe", which hasn't even started, "you'll know when it has started" - the casualties are Really going to start then! 77,000 body bags ordered. 250,000 troops.. are these body bags just for our side? and if so, do the troops know congress is estimating 30.8% of them are going to die? these kids are my age, or younger than me, or a couple years older than me, and they're silly so they're already married with kids, a lot of them, and here they are in the desert with M16's, waiting to possibly kill their first human being. most people never kill a person during their lives.
i just hope we get some sort of impeachment trial after this. what was worse, lying about a blowjob or getting us into an unjust war? i'm so scared this thing is going to go down in some way where it looks like a victory so it doesn't matter if it was wrong in the first place, or it's going to end in some attack on us where people are going to ignore that if we'd never messed with the middle east in the first place they wouldn't be messing with us and instead think "we should've attacked them earlier so we could've thwarted this tragedy!" ughhh the iraqi officials are already speaking out against bush, saying he's broken international law, they're going to go to the security council. i hope so much someone at the UN kicks bush's ass for this. he can not get away with this. jon stewart said something interesting: we're defying the UN by going to war without their approval to show that the UN works and its resolutions should be followed... wow.
ok i don't know how much more tv i can watch of this - i keep sneaking a look in nervous anticipation that i'll see a huge carpetbombing on the live-at-baghdad cam - we keep waiting for this, but it's going to be hell when it gets here, and it's going to give us cold chills. and we, like the iraqi people, can only sit here and wait. an anchor said last night something like "and we've got to be careful what kind of damage we do because we're going to own that place in a short time!" this is all so fucking creepy. i don't know what to do.