i really do like macs a lot. if they weren't more expensive i'd get one. turns out abc decided against the jimmy kimmel show in several southeastern cities for reasons unbeknownst to everyone..maybe if we raise hell they'll reverse the situation because, as it stands right now, we're looking at celebrity justice as the time filler, and that just doesn't sit right with me. there's a small article about all this in this week's orlando weekly.

i've changed my major to liberal studies and my two areas of study will probably be behavioral and social science, and letters, and then i'll probably do a double minor in sociology and magazine journalism..it's all coming together. i'm thinking about this..and i'm thinking what magazines i'd like to write for..and these are incredibly lofty goals, but the new yorker and national geographic are way up there..i'd probably go crazy with something like AP or rolling stone..or even premiere (ha listen to me)...GQ is a lovely magazine..i could've worked for George if it had stuck around. lovely magazine.

we found out monday night that my upstairs neighbor died. this is shocking. his name was howard church, he was 55, he was driving to work friday morning and had a heart attack. i don't think anyone else on the road was hurt. he was married to his wife ginny for 34 years. they have a daughter that lives with them that has down syndrome, i don't know how she's handling this, i've heard at the viewing she was trying to feed him donuts, apparently not understanding the situation. they have three other children that are older, grandchildren, dogs. i never knew his name before this. we'd always run into each other coming or going and he was always so nice to me and we'd talk about the weather but it didn't feel stupid talking about the weather with him, not like we were filling in for conversation, we actually cared about the weather. this is all so sudden, it's so bizarre..when people around you die and you didn't really know them, but you were kind of used to them and then they're lifted out like that, and for their family and friends it's this devastating event and for you it's just a little change. we kept seeing all of these cars outside, didn't know what was going on..i saw kelly, that's the daughter who lives with them, she played with ed for a little while, i had no idea anything happened. god that's so bizarre. he just left for work and now their husband and father is gone, just randomly. i didn't hear anything about a heart condition..he looked just as fit as anyone else..not too overweight, just a regular 55 year old man. he always seemed so relaxed, maybe that was just the face he put on with neighbors. i dread running into ginny. i don't know what to say. the first day i found out i wanted to see her, just to hug her, even though we've never shared much more than "hi" together, but there were all these people. now they're alone up there, and the car that he died in is a few spaces down, just sitting there staring at everyone. everytime i walk up to my front door i look up at their porch, their windows, looking for someone, usually the lights are off, i don't know how they're handling this. i sit in my chair in my living room and i can feel this pressure from above - it's so strange knowing there's this immense sadness in the air right above you, it's just sitting there, and you're under it and can pay attention to it or not pay attention to it anytime. i can laugh with my family just like before, and i don't realize what's upstairs when i do, but i do realize right afterwards. it feels so strange. death is so strange. what do you say? what do you do? i don't know.