oh no..oh no........oh no. this early rising thing is not for me. my world lit class is at 10 am, which means i have to wake up at 8:30 am two days out of the week.. and that's incredibly painful. i didn't think it would be this bad..i had a bad dream and then woke up incredibly groggy and with a headache this morning..i don't think i've ever woken up with a headache in my life.. i only went to bed at about 12:30. and then i'm always nauseous in the morning, so i can't eat anything, and then i get heartburn by the next hour for not eating anything.. ugh.. i can't brush my tongue in the morning anymore or i'll gag..my gag reflex has gotten out of control, this didn't used to happen, just in the last 6 months..what the hell..oh no oh no. i searched for half an hour in vain for a class to replace it with at a better time.. ucf is a bitch, they close all classes off to nonmajors, what the hell. i feel like shit. i'm forced to eat lunch at 11am..they have a new chinese place but it's not good at all, except for the eggrolls..so that's nice. we really need a wider variety of food around here. i think my family and i are moving back to tulsa in the next few years.. might as well, we're very tired of florida, we may go right after jordan graduates, or right after i graduate.. so two or three years. i don't feel like i'll be able to find work there, but maybe i can fit into a different life and just go on.. i just worry about the crazy conservatives..there's a lot of the religous right in those parts..that's not fun. still, i feel ready to go back there. for years i knew i would never want to move back, but, you know..things change. i need seasons and family members and horses.. dad is now in training to be a spokeseperson for a surveillance company which seems to be growing by the day and could possibly carry it to that region..looks like something that could seriously turn some things around for us financially, which would be amazing. confining the cab driving the weekend busy days. we're getting a dog. that's right. a friend of ours has this 4 yr old daschaund named Ed that they have to get rid of because they're having another baby.. we've had Ed over before, he is awesome, only he almost killed my cat, but that just makes dad and jordan love him more..he's got moxy. he's an incredibly cool dog, he sits on your lap when you call him, he thinks he's a big dog.. we're very excited. so it's gonna be me, dad, jordan, george, and ed. it's always me and a bunch of guys. i hope ed and george get along..dad and jordan say "well we'll just get rid of george if something happens", like george is a fly or something.. what the hell. he's george. i love george. i figure ed will get over it if he has a problem initially. hopefully. george is my buddy. i hope george is a boy. george's testicles have yet to grow in.

in the town...where i was born...

i'd also like to have a pig. this is just what i'm thinking. my lit book is giant, in that it has 3000 pages, yet small, in that it is a small-framed book, only about 9 x 5 inches, with extremely extremely thin pages and fine print..and it's paperback instead of hardback, so you can't hardly keep it up when you're reading while lying down..giant books need to be hardback, people, i'm sorry. it has whole works in it, including Candide, Madame Bovary, The Metamorphosis, Death in Venice...it's nice. and it has a piece of "song of myself" by walt whitman, which you may remember from howerton's ap lit class..i like that poem. it also has stuff by rainer maria rilke, who i did my huge ap lit presentation on..so that's neat. i am completely and utterly in the dark with the reading for existentialism..these people compose sentences in ways that make them hard to understand..you understand all the individual words, but not the way they are collected together...heh. i have no idea what keirkegaard is talking about. and apparently strawser (the prof) wrote a book about keirkegaard, which apparently makes even less sense than this book of keirkegaard's own writings..which is fun. i hope i can wrap my head around this stuff..or else find cliff's notes.. i suddenly feel like the person in the class of average intelligence, a scary feeling. i've really only read introductions so far, and they sometimes don't make sense out of context of the book, so maybe the body of the book will make more sense..i'm holding out for sartre to make more sense... he has a lecture in his book called "humanism and existentialism" which i'm really interested in, since i'm all humanist now.. vonnegut has molded me in his image. i ran into Will yesterday, the first time this whole year that i've seen him on campus..amazing. i want to go see just married with you guys, but i can't on friday, so let's wait til saturday, eh? i'll call him. i still have to see about schmidt and roger dodger. very important. especially the first one. i hate how work cuts out so much free time, sure i can do homework easily (as now it is only reading), but if i were home it would even be better.. but she needs someone to meet her at the bus and get her into the house every weekday afternoon.. i'm going to start taking weekends off, though, dammit. ok i have to go to class.