finally a written-on-paper-first post, from last night around 4:15:
-is anyone ever completely blown away by amazing things disguised as commonplace? like how we get humans by little eggs that grow inside of us - or how we move so quickly and largely and easily in cars - with so few exertions from ourselves - imagine taking away the car and we have millions of people floating as quickly or slowly as they please over miles and miles of land - just moving.
or how extremely bright the sun is that it fills everything - Everything - up with light, even the things that are shaded from it - every crease of earth is bathed in light, that's kind of incredible - imagine feeling, smelling, touching light - seeing it as a thing all around you like fog or something.
coming home from a night with friend Kelly Kaufman who i find it very easy to break into spontaneous deep conversation with even though we've never been really connected or close - we watched My So-Called Life tapes at Becca's dorm and reminisced and we both love love Loved that show, and still do, and i still feel angela completely and still feel just like her in so many ways (has she subconsciously shaped me?) and OH the sighs at thoughts of jordan catalono - such beautiful, excrutiating love and obsession we share. Ricky is Axel - how wonderful. And so coming home very late i thought of all the nightshift workers in the world and how i'd kind of like that but then i'd be placed in that unnatural social category but these fears of night are foolish - because the creatures of darkness are every bit as beautiful and intricate and awe-inspiring as the creatures of light - Night is just as brilliant as Day. Let's all stop fearing the Night. Its shadows and shadowy people.
I've finally gotten the perfect circle cd and i love it and i think 3 libras is one of the greatest songs ever.. i sing the end over and over to myself.
words on a piece of paper.. i've been so afraid, let's just keep playing the impersonal communication game, i'd be very happy to - for days i silently hoped it'd been lost in the mail - but no, i don't want that - because i know i Must get out there, i know he is all worth the turmoil because: and i see pictures and pictures here - him remembering my awe-filled face at watching dear ephesus; bus rides and knees; lost in crowds of people waiting for a band to go on as tool blares overhead, very close; leaving history, overwhelmed, having to read the letter again; riding with him to school at night and a joke turning into news i never wanted to hear; loving him sitting there with the girl in the lovely yellow dress sitting across him, lost in their world; "God, i love your smile". and after the pictures, through the fear, it is inconceivable to not move.
lovemelo
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