eddie izzard is the funniest person on earth. and here is what i mean: (imagine it with a british accent, it's funnier that way)

Cats and dogs are very interesting with human beings, cos we have a pet relationship with them. And we are the only animals that do this, you know, giraffes do not have pet gazelles.
"Gazelle... go and run... in Africa!" No, they don't say that.
And we have pets because they lower our blood-pressure. This is apparently officially it, they lower our blood-pressure. And... I don't know quite how they do that... eh... you sort of, you stroke them, you go to sleep and while you are asleep the dog puts one of those big puffy-things on your arm and goes
(tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh... tsssssss... tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh... tsssssssss.)
"It's one-eighty over sixty!"
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know! I'm a dog!"
(tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh... tsssss)
Actually, when doctors do that - they take your blood-pressure - they're not actually taking blood-pressure, they're just mucking around with this. They've actually got a jumpy-spider behind your back and that's what they've got ... cos I saw one once. "You've got a jumpy-spider behind my back!"
He said, "Yeah, that's what we do. It's a jumpy-spider time. All in the jumpy-spiders, the jumpy-spiders. (pt-a-sht-a pt-a-sht-a) It's true!
Yeah, so, anyway that's what they do. You ... em, dog takes your blood-pressure and you fall asleep, and the cat drains all the blood from your body, and sells it to one of those mobile blood-banks. That's why, sometimes, you wake-up feeling all anaemic and seeing your cat and dog counting out fivers, as a van pulls off. Have you ever had that?
Well, I don't know, they lower our blood-pressure. You stroke a dog; dog's go (Yowl). And cat's go (Prrrrrrrrrrrrr). Because they're drilling! aren't they, that's what they are doing. Ah, drilling. They drill for gold, they drill for oil, they drill for anything just for the love of drilling. When you're behind... they're behind your sofa, they're just drilling. (Prrrrrrrrr) They've got goggles on, it's okay! (Prrrrrrrrr).
There's a compressor over there. (Prrrrrrrrr).
Your friends come in:
"I think your cat's drilling behind your sofa!"
"I don't think so! That's, that's purring that noise, isn't it? Cat's, are you drilling?"
And the cat hears this and whips off the goggles, and says, "No, no, no, no! Drilling? no, no! No, I'm a cat. How would I know how to drill? That's purring, you're thinking of there. Yeah, purring! Oh yes, purring. I'm having a good old purr back here. No drilling. No, no! Okay."
(Prrrrrrrrrr. Prrrrrrrrrr.)
Sometimes they drill forty... forty, fifty feet, you know, down; just for the hell of it.


i will buy his book the next time i remember to do it. from one of his sites i found a little Ewe N. Mcgregor to download and it's this little tiny sheep that jumps around and makes funny faces while you're doing whatever on the computer and you can make doubles of him so soon you can have a little herd of insane sheep and they're adorable and endlessly entertaining.

i saw the icarus line tonight, crazy panic rock at sapphire and had many many staring at bryce moments (as well as many friday night - this has been a sapphire week - 3 times gone in one week, mhm) and he videotaped their performance so i felt nice like "oh here is a band i like and so does he, finally" because he seems to ignore most of the bands i go there to see. i should've known this was a hip band. they're the buddyhead poster band. their guitarist is one of the co-founders. aaron icarus. and travis keller is the other. and i spied him with my little eye and thought "hm, he's strangely good-looking, and i am not even remotely as cool as him and i'm quite intimidated". he looks a bit like tom from blink 182 but more attractive. so he talked to lots of people and when the icarus line threw their stuff down and walked off stage after like 4 songs (without notice, it was classic) i went over to buy the cd and talk to travis and magically i did and i think i shook his hand when he was really just asking for the money and i've been silly and overanalyzed the experience later at home and got embarrassed when i'm sure he didn't notice anything. but apparently there's something like 120,000 readers of buddyhead. that's pretty fucking rock n roll. and he was surprisingly soft-spoken and kind - he's such a badass on buddyhead. so hurray for travis keller and hurray for the icarus line (who dressed alike in super-kill-rock all-black with red ties) and hurray again and again for buddyhead, the most entertaining thing on the web. hurray.

lovemelo