another thing about growing up: halloween means absolutely nothing to me anymore. if i lived alone i probably would've forgotten about it altogether.

my father is urging me to DO SOMETHING and spark up my life a little (a lot) and i agree completely but it sounds like the hardest thing in the world to do. beginning things is damn near impossible in my head. and that's why i don't start many things. but i really need to and would like to. i think i need to cut out some rotting portion of my life and center myself somehow and write something, a screenplay, something, and have it be really really good. and then work from there. at the least it would give me satisfaction that i'd created and completed something and give me a point to go from and at the most i could sell it to some industry type for a million dollars (that really happens, which is why i'm not laughing). so anything between there and there would be fantastic, don't you think? i jotted down a few film ideas for the distant future in my 3-dimensional journal and they are as follows: 1) that one about the mary kay lady, 2) an elderly couple runs away together, 3) girl-obsessed-with-boy-slightly-autobiographical something. but none of these sound like a good idea for a first try at a screenplay.. the first would have to have some great comedy and i very severely doubt my ability to write comedy. the second seems a little dull laying around in my head right now, even though it could be a darling movie.. i just don't have a grasp of what it's really about right now. and the third is a little too generic.. so. i need new ideas, and i'm not asking for them, i'm just stating that i need them. if i use someone else's idea it won't be fully my own work and that'll bother me forever. so then.

TIGERLAND.
go rent it. it's fantastic. it's about what happens to boys training to go into vietnam. it's very very interesting and thought-provoking and funny and gripping and wonderfully-done. colin farell is a sexy (very sexy) irishman playing a texan who is this hero among the boys because he's a rebel and he doesn't believe in what they're doing but he's smart enough not to get in too much trouble and smart enough to get who really needs to get out of the war out and gives the right advise and gets away with just enough... he's great. he's a hero. it's a wonderful wonderful film and it should be seen by everyone. so go.

i originally thought to look for it because it was directed by joel schumacher who i recently read, to my chagrin, is creating a film version (or at least trying) of jack kerouac's On the Road. well shit. that was supposed to be my great daunting task as a future film maker and i would make history or some such thing. and then he goes and takes it away from me. and i can't do it after him, because that's a remake of a remake and that's just shit. shit. so i kind of hate him, but now i kind of love him because of tigerland, so i have a little bit of a hope that his On the Road will be very good.

i bought many many sweater type articles of clothing today and i love them so i'm dying for winter now. and i got a trash can. and i've never had my own trash can. so it's a big deal. i'm very happy about it. and i finally bought a book case type thing. it's really just a tall narrow ornamental shelf looking thing but i figure i could fit all my books on it, and i can, and it's a lovely lovely sight with all my books that are not dumb, no no, they're very good. and it's a fine fine collection for the tender age of 18. and looking at them all on my new shelf thing makes me very happy. the idea of getting my own apartment or home or whathaveyou and then getting to FURNISH it gets me very very excited. so now i figure i'm probably more materialistic than i try to be.

ok i downloaded the new system of a down record and burned it on a nice little cd (did i tell you i got a cd burner? it's very convenient.. driving is that much happier now) and i like some of it a lot and the rest of it a little. the ones i like a lot are prison song, chop suey, toxicity, aerials.. and i think one more that i can't think of. oh, forest. because they have softer parts in them, more melodic parts. and the rest don't really, and that's ok, i don't get annoyed with it, i just don't care enough to listen. but of course we do get used to things. but i still would really like to see serj start some softer side project so his voice can fully be appreciated. actually just to appease me. is that so much to ask? he's grrrrreat.

"black is the light that shines on my path. black is the color of freedom." text is so fucking awesome.

if i am ever a singer i will have three buxom black ladies backing me up. they seem to complete everything, don't they?

lovemelo