this is my 274th post. so ok i kind of like this new format. i've been dreading this post for some reason, the "dad's out of jail" post, just like whenever he gets out i hate having to call everyone to notify them, usually just make him do it, but i guess what's always the worst is the "he's in again" call right after it happens. like i imagine how terrible it would be to have to call all the friends and family members of someone who had died, having to relive it over and over with people, i might just not call anyone and run away. oh well, everything worked out, phones are back on, fantasia is going to be our american idol, everything is ok. this is what i love and always sing right now, besides led zeppelin:

to dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
to bear with unbearable sorrow
to run where the brave dare not go
to right the unrightable wrong
to be better far than you are
to try when your arms are too weary
to reach the unreachable star
this is my quest, to follow that star
no matter how hopeless, no matter how far
to be willing to give when there's no more to give
to be willing to die so that honor and justice may live
and i know if i'll only be true to this glorious quest
that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when i'm laid to my rest
and the world will be better for this
that one man, scorned and cottered with scars,
still strove with his last ounce of courage
to reach the unreachable star

what a fucking song. i have the sinatra version and this great grandiose operatic one by ed ames. woo

and also i was putting off posting because i didn't have much to say. i know i'm a snob but i can't stand it when people pop up on their blogs every few days/weeks to just tell us a list of things that happened to them, the most mundane things, i did this and then i did this and i did this and then i saw this and then i did this.. oh my god. this is not a day planner people, the golden rule is one to live by and when you show up at someone's blog, does it excite and intrigue you to find the daily events of that person's life? do you think "i'm sure glad they posted that, i feel like i know them so much better now, i feel like i know life better now.." i've discovered the only problem with the golden rule, by the way, which ends up being a very major problem. if i treat others as i would want to be treated, that still screws me because i respond a little differently to most things than most people, so i'm throwing things at people that i myself would like, i'm treating them like i would a me clone, a long dream of mine, and sure enough it gets thrown back in my face and i get fired twice in two weeks. the last one didn't stick, but still. the problem with this is i could just muddle myself down and change to fit into more people but there are those special few out there who think just like me on most things and i would've never found them if i hadn't been throwing me out there at them. dammit.

rufus wainwright: "be a star and fall down somewhere next to me."

cleaning is like cleansing the soul for me, so i feel newer and better after organizing my closet. and i came across my bag of keepsake junk, 90% i ended up throwing away, but thankfully i came across this lovely like three page, front and back, elaborate, hugely erotic sexual fantasy about george clooney i had written in my peak clooneyness during my world lit class.. three semesters ago i think. and jesus it is HOT. what's nice is it's just my kind of hot. maybe i should write that kind of stuff. and i'd love to post it here, but i feel that that would be too revealing of me, almost like saying "hey i filmed myself masturbating, wanna see?!" maybe not that odd, but in the same vein. plus this isn't a sex blog, tho i'm thinking of starting one. you remember those others i had started visiting, they're kind of boring after a while actually, but i'm sure my own would always be interesting to me at least. but i guess i sort of already have one. my secret blog houses all the things i'd like to remember including really sexy life events and dreams and i guess soon this lovely george clooney fantasy. george is my professor. oh man.

i'm on the 96.5 workforce thing that gets me $96 if they call my name and i call back within ten minutes and $96 more every hour if the next names don't call back in time.. from 9-5 on weekdays, so if anyone hears my name call me on the cell, 257-1331, and warn me just in case i'm playing racquetball or something.

this kennel gig has me moving around and sweating a lot so i'm losing freaking weight over here. i turn to the side and disappear, ha ha. no but my tight jeans are now my loose jeans and my regular jeans are just obnoxious.. ha haha ha! what a wonderful problem to have! it is a joy to get paid for losing weight. this is how gym memberships should be. wouldn't it be simply adorable if i lost all this weight and then i was too poor to buy new clothes so i was like a poor little matchgirl on the street with the men's shirt and overalls that are 5 sizes too big.. ah deleriously wonderful problems...

just finished watching first half of sixth season of sex and the city, the only ones i've not seen, 12 episodes of orgasmic fabulousness, eons better than the second half of the season i shared with jenn and was too serious and odd for me to get off on like normal.. the first half has me laughing outloud and sighing like usual. oh sex and the city. i love you. and blair underwood! joy

mom's coming to town for a week on monday for jordan's graduation, the first i'll have spent any physical time with her in over two years. prepare for possible meltdown.

now that i've gone and made blog enemies with my day planning comment, i want to urge everyone to retaliate, not only by changing their blog and sticking up their nose, but by screaming "BORING" in my comments if you ever find this one that way, i will not cry, i will smile and be happy that you're treating me the way i'd like to be treated. i'll try to do the same to you, of course by swallowing all my words. let's consider each other and be each others "me clones", reach into me, we need this. johnson, out! i'm so kidding.