i feel like laying back on my bed and smoking a cigarette, having just had sex with brian kinney. er, watched him for hours on queer as folk.. oh brian.. amanda had asked me last week who i would want to look like if i were a guy, and i couldn't think really, i thought maybe ewan because he's well endowed, but no, no no, gale harold, aka brian kinney, has the perfect male body in my opinion. tall, thin but not skinny, fit but not too muscular. he leans over countertops and the length from his neck to the top of his pants running down his back is miles. perfect ass. yes i finish watching queer as folk and i come out more than ever feeling like a gay man, talking and thinking like one... so in my fantasies of brian i am not myself, a girl having sex with brian kinney, i am a sexy boy, not really justin but someone who can keep my personality, that fascinates him and turns him on. good afternoon.

i got fired from my receptionist vet job at tuscawilla oaks yesterday morning. a bit of a relief because it was stressful and i didn't like the doc, but mostly very obnoxious because i'm nearly positive it was for some personal reason. my performance had greatly improved and i think it may have had something to do with the length of my hair or my clothes or my personality, all of which i was slowly dumbing down to fit in around there. good riddance, right? still, i have fantasies that the doc thought i was a lesbian and then i sued the pants off him in a grand quest to help along gay rights and no, not at all to satisfy my own anger.. ; )

there's a new girl at the lake howell vet named michelle who's very nice and just moved from new york. she says the tap water is very different up there. like down here it seems smelly and nasty in comparison. do you notice this, frank? i really hope i can get up there in june with the kids.. i think with the fewer jobs i'll be able to swing it better, even tho i'm getting less money.. it all depends on other people in my house working i guess. i really want to see the algonquin hotel. feel the presence of dorothy parker. i am identifying with her more and more. when i'm not identifying with gay men. well, you know how gay guys are sometimes called friends of dorothy... hmm

i saw broadcast news the other day, a great great movie from the 80s starring william hurt, albert brooks, and holly hunter.. albert brooks' character is now one of my favorites in all of cinema. there's this great scene where he gets insulted by a higher up who he really admires in front of a room full of people and he's best friends with holly and he leans over and whispers in her ear "laugh so they don't think i'm dying inside but have so much style that i just said something funny" and he walks away and she bursts out laughing.. great scene.

i'm going to go rent the first two seasons of queer as folk and fast forward to all of brian's scenes like a psychopath..