axel,

go for it. connect four. or in this case, two. that was cheesy. things don't seem to be going so well with billy, and things seem to be going well with andrew. and you're 18 years old. this is not the time to settle down for life. go with your instincts. what feels best? i know you know.. and i know you know i know you know.. ta.

speaking of starving african nations and emotionally abused ghetto children, my HBO might be taken away from me soon. so i get to say goodbye once again to the sopranos, sex and the city, six feet under (!), the occasional good movie (such as shadow of the vamp which i taped at 3:30 last night.. i'm so glad), and the occasional good documentary story..which really are very good..such as the execution of Wanda Jean. i'm realizing more and more just how wonderful tim robbins and susan sarandon are. they're so green party. they're activists and they're smart and they make and star in great movies, like Dead Man Walking. everyone should see that movie. i fantasize about tying dubya to a chair and pinning his eyelids back and making him watch it..like in a clockwork orange.. i'll administer the drops.

i've not yet decided on my favorite kubrick film. dr.strangelove, clockwork orange, full metal jacket, eyes wide shut and the shining all kind of lump together in their greatness. does anyone absolutely know if you put a comma in front of "and" at the end of a list of things? i could've sworn you didn't..so i've not done it in years..but i do it all the time by accident and then have to correct myself, which makes me think subconsciously our minds are trying to correct our standards of grammar.. do you think the mind would resort to such tomfoolery? i love that word. an actual word.

i'm alone in the hadaway office, everyone's gone home.. the whole building's practically empty. it makes for good horror movie or a good porn. there is this strange slightly uncomfortable sexual tension between myself and mr.hadaway's son, a man of around 30, who is vying for the position of most unattractive man ever...but i feel like i have some power over him.. very odd and probably very bad thoughts of this happen all the time. he was the last to leave and after token smalltalk he was in the door frame and just stood and said nothing as he looked at me.. and there's an awkward silence and then laugh and then, "well have a good weekend". strange strange strange.. i don't know what to do. i'll leave it to the imagination.

and bruce is nowhere to be found.. i went to movie gallery twice in the past day and he wasn't there and i need to ask him about what he DOES now instead of watching movies all the time.. and subtley turn that into good conversation and an invitation out.. close friends? fuck buddy? real nice boyfriend? we will see. did i mention how good he's looking? i'm going to go home and look him up in my 8th grade yearbook. teehee.

umm.. over and out.