CURRENTLY
i'm spending about 300% of my income. i think i should stop that.

i've developed a slightly violent thirst for ROCK N ROLL. heavier, too.. after listening to buddyhead radio, where i get text and at the drive-in and the icarus line and ink and dagger.. i'm thinking if atdi, refused and text melted into each other they might be the greatest band ever. aside from tenacious d.

and then after seeing the beastie boys and run dmc on reverb.. and thinking about jurassic 5 and outkast and tribe called quest and ODB and kool keith and N.E.R.D.. i'd also really like some great new rap/hip-hop to run into me somewhere. when it's good.. it's GOOD.

i think i'm searching for my youth, because mainly youths listen to rock and rap and hip-hop. i've been catapulted out of my "adult contemporary/radiohead" phase and i think balancing my checkbook (holy crap) and trying to map out my financial future has sent me shaking about growing up and thus, here i am wanting kiddy music. but good, smart kiddy music, kids. yea.

i'm eagerly eagerly awaiting the contender to start on hbo.. i've run into it two or three times about 10 minutes in, which is not satisfactory, i must see the whole thing.. and it looks really good from the clips i've seen.. and GARY OLDMAN is in it.. in another chameleon formation of his.. he's so fucking amazing. if you weren't tracking him, you'd never recognize him. he's fucking phenomenal. go gary. "shot in the heart" on saturday was one of the most earth-shattering things i've seen in a while.. family troubles, no really, family troubles.. a guy in prison for murder awaiting the death penalty and wanting to go through with it instead of having his brothers appeal.. oh the acting.. giovani ribisi and a guy that looks like the spitting image of a young robert deniro. ohhh my. it was so good. and my vincent is EVERYWHERE.. tv, theaters, movie rentals.. he's following me around and i LIKE IT..

i had a very interesting dream last night where i went home and apparently slept with this very gay boy from my sociology class. a strange story follows him around.. he's absurdly skinny and slightly tall and he always wears these short little girl shirts with very short sleeves and his hair is so neatly trimmed and his face is so dainty and he's just so incredibly prissy looking and he has one of those satchel things with a giant sticker that says "it's not pretty being easy" and he walks like a stuck-up old woman. and get this, axel, he hangs out with that gay boy we met outside of d.i.y one night who said he had slept with his manager when he was in some boy band or something.. remember? and he went to trinity or something? well it took me a little bit to place him, but i did. so i guess they're dating or something. and it all just feels incredibly dirty to me. this skinny kid bothers the heck out of me and i can't seem to help it.. i think he's aroused the first semi-homophobic feelings in me.. the first few weeks i actually felt slightly violent towards him.. it was very mild, though, and i more just wished he would look and act different because it seemed that if i was feeling that way, some actual homophobic person would soon beat the shit out of him.. but i was kind of mad at him about this. and now i just kind of get a little annoyed when i see him.. and it's very strange, i don't like feeling this way, but he just bothers me. what the hell. i don't know. and it's so ridiculous for me to be yelling out "no, YOU CHANGE!" christ.. what am i, ten?
so anyway, that aside, i apparently went home with him in the dream and then i found out the next morning he just slept with me to get to this guy that he was after somehow and i wasn't really bothered and we went to take a bath for some reason and his roommates were wanting to talk to him thru the bathroom door and he was under the water for a second and he couldn't hear so i kind of laughed and said he was "indisposed" at the moment, kind of alluding that he was going down on me (in a fucking bathtub? wtf) and they all laughed.. like i was trying to make them think he was straight for some reason? and then we were in the parking lot outside some event and we came across the guy he's after and first he's this young, blonde hot rod type, definitely straight, and then somehow he turns into a young robert redford (who i'm kind of after right now).. so i'm asking robert these questions like i'm supposed to interview him, but i'm trying somehow to get him interested in skinny gay boy yet i'm flirting with him.. i have no idea.. and then i go inside and find BENICIO (well hey there, long time) and all of these other "hispanic" attractive males and apparently robert's real last name is like perez.. lol. and then some other weird stuff happens that i can't remember. very strange. ok then

when people go to bed and turn off the lights in the house, even if it's 10:30, it feels really fucking late.

i'm reading catch-22 finally. and it's reminding me a lot of a slightly less funny vonnegut in style, which is interesting.. i got a little worried that i couldn't be a real "reader" besides mainly vonnegut stuff, or just really offbeat stuff, because it would feel too much like school and i'd get off track too often.. which might still be true. we'll see. i hope not, though.. i'd really like to read "the brothers karamotzov", or however you spell it.. another dostoevsky. and i need to read 1984 again. and my authors need to become more varied.. because right now, on my own, i've only read about 5 authors... that's not good, with the amount that i've read. so yeah.. the pile of vonnegut is going to have to wait. maybe i'll just spread them out.. a nonvonnegut book, then another vonnegut book, then a nonvonnegut, and so on... heh

heyyy "i'm tired". i can't get the picture of spooning with vincent out of my head. what's sexier than that?

lovemelo