alright. i've thrown off the depression and now feel almost completely joyous and carefree as i listen to "all these things i've done" by the killers who actually ended up being quite the fantastic band i can't help that and a steady mixture of good music, gay sex, dancing, and constant denial that gays don't have the same rights as everyone else in the land o the free and we're in a war based on lies where people won't stop dying and it'll probably go on forever and teenage girls in this state no longer have control over their bodies and are now required by law to undergo possible emotional trauma before they walk towards something that is traumatic in and of itself and oh right a man who can not speak properly and has proven himself to be a religious fanatic and a general son of a bitch has been FREELY REELECTED BY HIS PEOPLE to continue being the most powerful man in the world, george w. bush is a two term president somehow, that will always be in our history books, i think i heard ANWAR was approved so goodbye pretty alaska!, not only was the republican majority in the house and senate maintained, they earned even MORE seats in both, the above shot picture of the colored seats is like a horrible rash that's spreading, and umm.. somehow the midwest is deciding everything for everyone else in the country and that would be fine only they're isolated and ignorant and crazy and mean, i only call em like i see em, thinking a man who has consistently betrayed the values of the once good america is higher on their list of moral values and suddenly terrorism doesn't even mean as much as ass sex - WAIT! not even ass sex! we just legalized that! no no, it's MONOGAMY that's so disgusting and threatening to the american family! if gays can be monogamous, the terrorists will have won! *PULLS OUT HAIR SCREAMING AND SLAMS HEAD AGAINST TABLE* but luckily none of these things are actually happening. not when brian and justin can say witty things and fuck with their perfect mixture of insane lust and passionate love that has literally made every heterosexual relationship i've ever witnessed seem gross and boring. not when i can close my eyes and bounce and bob and sway to music that moves me and makes me smile. not when mike nichols and tony kushner can create angels in america, possibly the greatest thing i've ever seen, and i can watch it whenever i feel like shooting myself because i own it now bitch.

time to heal now huh? the nightmare is over i guess, because if it's possible, the period of time from about 11pm on november 2nd to whenever i started talking to jenn and immersing myself in gay sex on the night of november 3rd was worse than the previous four years. and this is because in the last years we all just helplessly stood by and screamed our heads off as bush and cronies did what they felt like doing to tear us limb from limb, but guess what? there was hope behind our anger, because we knew, just knew that come election time we'd drop kick the motherfucker out of office because it's not humanly possible for a man who's screwed up so many times and spoken so stupidly to win another chance, not with these stakes, you need a REAL player for this ballgame, we're in the world series and we can't afford to let the rookie in just because he really wants to, the guy who's got a drug and alcohol problem and hits you occassionally wants back in your life real bad and you feel for him but hm yea that ain't happenin because you're not insane, and surely everyone would understand that. and then this happens, and we all just have to sit by and watch as the people around you all prove themselves to be aliens and completely force you back into the thing you hate the most, and they actually like it. it's like being woken up by a bucket of ice water, i imagine. democracy works alright. against you. i'm not mad at george w. bush. i'm not mad at john kerry. i'm mad at the stupid motherfuckers who apparently populate the vast areas between our coasts, not to mention my lovely neighbors. i think florida was again mainly responsible for bush winning. i was ready to dry hump it if it pointed america the other way, but as i should've known, florida is the dick and it acted the part. so now the horrible hope-killing hours are over and life has started again and it's still going to be shitty as hell in all reality but as long as i have these other little things to lose myself in i'll make it. a bunch of good movies are coming out soon. i heart huckabees was bizarreworldgoodness, hilarious, a must-see. alfie was incredibly disappointing. i'm about to go to see birth and the incredibles and the director's cut of donnie darko. bridget jones is coming soon and it will shine light all over my life for a blissful couple of hours. i will bathe in the colin firth/hugh grant prettiness. thanksgiving will be spent in oklahoma this year and it'll be relaxing and great and i'll see many movies. in december jenn and i are taking a 5 day trip to boston and new york wherein we'll have the gayest good time ever and possibly get married. no really. just to piss on people. fuck you, crazy america. why the fuck not? ok, off to heal.. with deep anal penetration.