it is as if..............

all people cease to exist when i'm dying to talk to someone. oo, ah, i say. it's interesting. last night i got into a frenzy for something to do to fill my remaining waking hours (because i seem to always need to be doing Something - and that's why tv plays such an important role in my life) - alan i forgive you but you must make it up to me by writing me back. i sat in class today thinking i'd get an email from you when i got out and then i got out and no email! so mend your ways.. mhm.

queer as folk, the first season, comes out on video today i Think, and i'm excited about a new (maybe very good) series to get to rent and fall in love with. i'm stopping by the second i leave here.

i have one class a day, four days a week, which means a lot of gas but also a more relaxed feeling. and they kind of escalate in time lengths.. an hour and fifteen minutes the first two days, then two hours and fifteen minutes the third, and finally two hours and Forty Five minutes the fourth.. so always long weekends. i really do like that about college.

i finished my book, and i have Catch-22 and Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 to continue (i started them and then like an asshole left them for other more interesting-at-the-time books) but it's very hard to do.. and i'd so much rather start the subterraneans, by kerouac, because i haven't read a kerouac in a year and they tend to make me feel very good about life. though bridget jones was hysterically funny at the end and got me all caught up in a girly way with happiness when she and mark darcy got together and sadness when they fought.. and it's really just like a tv series, with silly commonplace things like that happening, but it was enjoyable, and the last chapter nearly killed me i was laughing so hard - and it felt good to have a daily (nightly) routine of reading a chapter or two so as to finish in under a year (because so many books make me go crazy and procrastinate and then it takes months and months to finish) but here i was holding to my daily routine and i got it finished in under two weeks and it feels very good. and i feel like those women who sit in bed next to their husbands every night and they both read next to one another in silence for an hour or so and then go to bed.. and there's a comfort in that. see i want to break routines to make my life extraordinary, but when it comes right down to it they give me an immense comfort. what can you do?

currently singing to self over and over again throughout most days: "i am a man of constant sorrow" from O, Brother, Where Art Thou? - it's very catchy.
i believe i could very easily fall in love with george clooney despite his height.
and james dean for that matter. i have a very teen-angst connection with james.

i like the existence of an old obsession that kind of sticks around for years. ewan is that obsession. he's still around, and he still gives me butterflies. and he's going to be traveling the amazon i think on the travel channel next week, hurrah! black hawk down should be good too, though i fear it'll be a saving-private-ryan type and win the oscar just because of our current patrioticness. tsk tsk

axel, rent Before Night Falls. it's very good and directed by this genius who i forgot about, Julian Schnabel. it's tremendous.

i have been on Smashing Pumpkins high for like two weeks now. nonstop. haven't listened to anything but my best of otis redding cd one day that i picked up recently.. i like him very much.. and he has this great song that i think is performed in Ali during one of the live music scenes.. and it's one of those slow songs that have those moments of crying-out that the girls in the audience would scream to. i don't know what it's called.. but it renews your love of soul music. the smashing pumpkins have this wonderful wonderful song that sounds EXACTLY like denison marrs but with billy's voice called Stand Inside Your Love (i love that title) and you guys should download it.. it's emo.. it's space rock.. a little. it's great, i t f e e l s g o o d.

and tonight, tonight may be my favorite pumpkins song. and we're even talking about A Trip to the Moon in film and that's what the video is mimicking.. so that's fun. i love that huge sound, so many instruments, such a good feeling. go listen to it if you haven't heard it in a while.

lovemelo