finally, my love, you've come back to me.. let me wrap my arms around you, dear internet, lights, sound, air conditioning, stove, television! i am lost without you! or at least some of those things. i did so miss my background distraction noises, the ability to turn on music whenever i walked into the bathroom. the ability to see a goddamn thing in the bathroom. warm showers! oh how i've missed you! no matter how hot i am, a cold shower still feels shocking and wrong. cool, fine. but not cold. the fridge is a wasteland now after we threw everything out, i absolutely hate that, i've always hated wasting food. a summary: the power was off from 8 o'clock friday night until 9 o'clock monday night. that was enough. i appreciate it now. thank you.

i thought i'd have relief by way of air conditioning at work but no we were open without power for some ridiculous reason.. but not so ridiculous when i walk up and there is austin in the warm darkness to greet me, "good, someone's finally here!" we were alone and i wished it would stay that way but it didn't. no harm. we all talked and laughed and had fun, he bought us ice cream from next door, strawberry for me, a crazy chocolate chip/cookie dough/brownie/mayhem concoction for him like he was twelve.. adorable. and then the power was back on and he blurts "fuuuuuck" and it was so out of character for him, i laughed. we had to start all the renewing process.. correction, he had to. his tasks would slowly build and he'd rush his hands through his boyish hair and feathery blondness would fling everywhere. he'd walk fast but never bump into things. we always seemed to be stuffed in some corner together, i often needed to brush up against him to reach things as he stood forever on hold on the phone next to me. there was one moment when we were both silently doing returns next to each other in the back and i was hit with that intimacy you sometimes feel with someone who's near you but not speaking to you, tho i'm always sure they aren't feeling it back. we were slowly working from the outside in towards one another like lady and the tramp, and i told him so. a woman couldn't get the toy she wanted for her kid and was unreasonable with our power outage situation and austin started arguing with her, no more sympathy for the people who couldn't understand why every one of their needs couldn't be met during the crisis, he did not give in and sounded like he was losing it, he would not back down, i stood inches away from them looking down and away from him, not wanting to embarrass him or enrage him anymore.. sometimes i'll try to calm my dad or my brother when they're really upset and it only makes it worse.. she left and he stormed off, i really wanted to touch him. i asked him a minute later if he was ok and he brushed it off with a yeah casually, i meant for my words to be softer so he'd recognize an island amidst the stormy seas but it came out louder and intimacy was lost. he worked so hard that night, he was brilliant, i called him a shining star before i left. he's the best manager: as stressful as a situation gets he never takes it out on us, he never gets impatient with us, he's always the first to think of the quick and easy solution. i didn't want to go, but it was kind of time. i drifted out on my cloud and returned to dark humidity and tried reading my book, eventually got him out of my head enough to concentrate on bobby, clare, and jonathan.. and the phone starts ringing. it's about midnight and the corded phones are all going berserk. dad's in bed and jordan's out. i've got books stacked up against the inside of my door because it won't stop moving with the wind thru the window. the candles are all out, i can't see a damn thing out there. i'm not wearing pants. so i eventually make my way and i've missed the phone but the cell starts ringing, so it must be jordan, but i don't recognize the number. hello? "hey, melody? it's austin from work." austin from work he has to say, if only he knew. i stammer "hey, how's it doing? i mean, how are you going? i mean.." he asks if he woke me, i say no no no but can't think quick enough to tell him what i was doing so he'd believe me.. i run outside and he needs to know when i left so he can clock me out properly, he decided to close since being there at 8:30 that morning.. what an amazing employee.. i told him so and he said no problem like he was doing me a favor, i guess he can't think quickly on the phone either. he offered to put me down for an extra half hour since i wasn't supposed to work and i came in anyway and did such a good job.. i said i wouldn't fight him.. anyway, not a big deal conversation but a lovely little reminder of his existence in a moment i wasn't expecting him, after i'd put him to bed as it were.. you could call it a shot of austin.. tsk tsk, look where i've found myself. this is probably what most people go thru, i just talk about it more. i probably shouldn't have put all this detail here, but i really felt like it. it's on my mind. it won't be like this again probably. i'll be more discreet. this is the first legitimate, based-in-reality crush i've had in an eternity.. maybe ever. well. this is the first that could actually make sense, turn out to be something. there's no turning back now. i am over the moon for this boy.