here's what's happening to me right now, listen to this:

since we broke up
i'm using lipstick again
i suck my tongue
in remembrance of you

bjork of course. "possibly maybe". i had this whole thing i was going to get into about sexuality and my envy of this horrible little christian couple sitting behind me (jordan and jenny) who have all this physical intimacy and sexual enjoyment at their fingertips but aren't using it because they're retarded and yet people like me who would actually take advantage can't get a damn leg in that super hipster club.. speaking of, i was reminded this evening as i was driving how alan got into AP Lit without taking AP Lang and how that pissed me off so much cuz AP Lang was so hard and then i finally realized that yet another of my favorite romantic movie heroes, robert redford in The Way We Were, resembles alan: Hubbell (rob's character, i know, like all i can think of now is the telescope, what a crazy name, but oh how we bought it because it was SO GOOD) is a writer and he writes a short story in their college years that starts something like "in a way he was like the country he lived in, things always came too easy for him..".. so there is alan completely. makes me go hmm. oh where was i? basically i resent all you people who get things too easy or get them and don't use them properly when i... i mean, when there are starving children in africa..etc etc.. i was going to go into all that but now my mood has completely changed because i just read Frank's news and that blows my mind and i'm so happy for him.. that didn't come easy. he really deserves that. that makes me really happy.

also, i saw The Ladykillers today and it sucked pretty much. surprised me, too. it was awkward and too much profanity and not that funny and just a complete dud. that's exactly what it is.. that firecracker that you expect to be amazing cuz the packaging has all this fancy artwork on it and then you light it and you happened to get the dud.. ugh. also this evening our car died. and it's been towed to our mechanic where it'll stay all weekend until he can hopefully fix it before i must get to my second job at 2pm on Monday. did i mention i have three jobs now? still with barbara, then doing kennel work at the lake howell road vet, then starting a receptionist gig at tuscawilla oaks animal hospital in april.. three jobs at my tender age, a slippery slope. what am i saying, it's screwed up at any age. i really like my kennel job.. it's hard and i'm sore afterwards but in a good way. all this and i'm still only going to make $300-400 a week probably. this is ridiculous. you say that's great but yea it would be if i were an independent entity living in one of those student housing things where rent is $400 a month and includes everything.. but i have a family to take care of! what the hell is happening. shit i'm freaking out now. there's a lot to get upset about here but i'm going to get off to Unfaithful now and then go to the pool tomorrow and finish reading my book and just go with it. don't get here. good luck.