so i saw Elephant today - the new gus van sant movie about the columbine shootings, i'm not sure if it's supposed to be an actual recreation or if it's just an interpretation, it was very interesting, and really scary. frank, i wasn't as shaken by the actual shootings nearly as much as the first hour where you're following people and you have no idea if you're going to see the killers and they're going to open fire now.. or now.. or now.. jesus. THAT is suspense. when you first see them walking up in their gear i had this huge rush of fear sweep over me, it terrified me. you feel so vulnerable throughout this movie. i didn't like the shower kiss, it said nothing about anything and it seemed like van sant playing with us, with the other gay references it just felt forced. and i don't think i like how he ended it either. but then how the hell could you end that? so, a very unique movie-going experience.

the previews were great, i got to see the preview for the next charlie kaufman movie. god bless charlie kaufman. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, starring jim carrey, kate winslet, kirsten dunst, elijah wood, and mark ruffalo, looks fantastic. go to imdb.com (link to your left! ; ) and find a trailer that works for your computer, there's a bunch. directed by michel gondry who did human nature, a not fantastic movie but he also did a bunch of great music videos for massive attack and bjork (the music video goddess). redeemed! and so i got on an imdb search craze, checking how wes anderson's doing - he's working on another great bill murray movie, the life aquatic, due out fall of next year, lots of great repeating actors from the last two films, fun fun. which got me thinking about bill murray. he's really incredible. i looked at his movie list and, with minor exceptions here and there, he really has had great taste in movies, especially in the last five years. and he's going to be the voice of garfield! that's so great. i love you, bill, i hope you win the oscar.

eagerly awaiting my ewan-jude ATTACK..

so here's my dream last night: i'm going with kristin clark to a sort of wshs reunion at marcus sobering's house, a huge mansion and i apparently wasn't invited so everyone looks at me funny - and for some reason her bag is full of candy and i eat some only it's laced with what i understood was ecstacy or something but it is no good feeling i feel, more a sickly drunkenness and i am in a stupor for a long time in a back room. during this time of darkness i am miserable and overly aware of the boys around trying to avoid me, including chase bernstein, who is hardcore avoiding me in the most offensive way, and this is depressing. ok but then! i gain full consciousness and who walks by but.. yes.. of course.. brian lacey. lol. (seriously, what the hell is going on in my head? i'm going to reread this a few years from now and laugh hysterically at this obsession i have developed COMPLETELY WITHOUT MY CONTROL) so he's grown up some and i say "wow, you're taller and manlier" and he stops to talk to me and it's all great. and there's some kids at my feet, including alan who's sitting indian style like 3 feet away and i've been given this opportunity finally to tell brian about my craziness about him but i'm embarrassed so i kind of lightly nudge alan with my foot and go "could you go.. over there.. maybe.." and he knows what i'm about to do so he's laughing at me. so then brian and i sit down and it's easy to talk to him, he's very welcoming which is a relief, and i start in with my "you know, i have to tell you something.." and i start real slow "i've been... having... (long pause)" and brian goes "dreams? you've been dreaming about me?" "yes! oh my god, how bizarre, yes i've been having dozens of dreams about you, what is going on? because see meghan flocken had this crush on you in 9th grade and i didn't really see it then.." and he makes this disgusted face, i have no idea what that's all about, but it's certainly not good for me, and i start in again "and then you and brittany had that fling which just set the wheels turning in my head i guess.." and he opens his mouth to say something that i know was going to confirm or deny whatever he felt about me when suddenly i hear live's lightning crashes... it's my fucking alarm. jesus christ. i quickly turn it off and try to force back into the dream, i can feel my mind pushing it along but it's not the same and fuck i've got to go to the early showing of elephant. jesus. how shitty is that? what the hell was my head doing the other 7 hours of sleep? i shake my fist at the sky! ok. so good luck tonight, eh?