wow the donnie darko site is so cool - smurfs, yeah. have i mentioned how in lust with jake gyllenhaal i am? but The Good Girl is a horrible movie, don't see it, jennifer aniston is reduced to a whore who just goes along with her miserable life and jake, in the end, is immature and obnoxious. it is depressing. i long to see lovely and amazing, which sounds a little bit like my life. and perhaps is not so depressing. i rented donnie darko again because i really felt like watching it again.. and it is so so good i want to buy it but i can't find it.. definitely in top 15 or so. have since bought the graduate, so one favorite movie down, two to go. (plus bought life is beautiful, which haven't revisited yet, but looking forward to it.. what a happy movie that hopefully won't give me a nervous breakdown again)

an american in paris, a gene kelly film, is pretty great. i didn't know it won best picture and choreography and screenplay and costume and such that year.. wow. the costumes really are amazing. great dance routines. gene kelly - who could ask for anything more?

in the middle of fourth james dean book. it is not a hysterical infatuation, no not at all - it's well beyond physical attraction, which has not increased, but if anything dwindled just a tiny bit now that i know him like the back of my hand. i'm sure if i'd met him the words "get over yourself" would've come out of my mouth.. but i still have a motherly affection for him. he is much less a mysterious sexual being and much more a complex, if childish, young man. he's inspired my english paper this term, which is to be on any culture from any time period i think, to be on american teenagers in the 1940s and '50s. i want to lift the idealistic veil and show it for the confused, violent, myopic time it was - teetering on the edge of an amazing change in the country.. and then there's james dean. i look forward to writing this paper.

my english class is amazing. my professor, mr. fleming, is incredibly smart and interesting.. i called him riveting and i hope he heard me. it's so refreshing after plain boring - to - overly sarcastic, into-themselves professors. my god, my humanities prof, of the second type, is completely unfunny even though he really thinks he is, he wears gold chains and hawaiian-esque shirts and features a homosexual mustache a la magnum P.I./70's era. wow. what a goofball. so is neil diamond, but i love "sweet caroline". HANDS, touching hands.. reaching out!.. touching me!... TOUCHING YOU!!!!! hahahah

ucf is still evil and the drama has not yet ended, but at least i see the light at the end of the tunnel... thru hell there is redemption.

a good quote from Rebel: the life and legend of james dean by donald spoto: " 'Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.' Jean Kerr"

well i was wrong about james a little.. i succumbed to the lazy gossip of other authors, darn it. his early mentor was not a predator - he was a good person and james had a real relationship with him, sexual and all, and a year later another simultaneous real relationship with liz sheridan, complete with love, and the balance of the two was unbeknownst to both of them and i'm sure fairly stressful for him - and thus, afterwards, he made a point to keep a distinct line between all of the people in his life lest they should overlap and reveal different sides of james to each other.. what a tangled web. i urge you all to rent East of Eden as quickly as possible.. a great great movie, and he IS Cal Trask.. so you can feel like you know him a little after you watch it too.

after so much walking and waiting, i am tired, and need to rest before venturing out to english in 20 minutes. goodbye.